Note: The following is an excerpt from a wedding homily, preached in Duncanville, Texas, on 12.iv.2007. The readings were Ephesians 5 and Luke 24 (The Road to Emmaus). It was preached to a congregation drawn from Episcopal and Bible Churches, and thus represents an ecumenical effort. In particular, the author sought to expound the <i>mysterion (L. sacramentum) of marriage through the lens of the Roman Catholic Rosary, allowing those mysteries in turn to lead back the mysterion of our Faith, Jesus Christ (1 Tim 3:16). It is not a systematic treatise with a linear theology; it is rather a dogmatic meditation. It is offered to Covenant not in the least as an act of homiletic Mariology and hopefully as a part of the ongoing Anglican reassessment of the Blessed Virgin as a key to our common life together.
</i>…

As Christians we have many different ways of describing what happens in marriage. From our Reformed heritage, we think of marriage as a covenant, as the great covenants of old that God made with his people Israel. From the Creation story of Genesis, we think of marriage as a union, the restoration of two persons in one flesh. And from our reading tonight, in St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, we hear that marriage is a mystery: "‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the Church." Human marriage is a mystery, according to Genesis, in that the two become one flesh. But Christian marriage, according to Paul, is a greater mystery, for Christ has assumed for himself the role of Bridegroom. Thus our human institution is taken up into the drama of Christ’s saving work. For Christians, marriage is inextricably bound up with the mystery of God’s love for the world: the mystery of Jesus Christ.

Having said this, there are two ways in which marriage is not a mystery. First of all, there is no mystery about the promises and covenant you are about to make with one another, to enter into a lifelong commitment of love. Secondly, marriage is not, or at least, should not be a mystery, in the sense of a "who-done-it." I am not denying that each of you may at times feel that the other is the culprit in a very long series of crimes; I would only urge that you repent of those feelings immediately. In times of trouble and in times of joy, I encourage you to think of your marriage as a Christian mystery, a living grace which you enter afresh each morning. A healthy marriage is being transformed daily by God’s grace in accordance with the mysteries of Christ’s earthly life. What do I mean by this?

Firstly, marriage is a joyful mystery. In this sense, marriage is like the Incarnation of our Lord. In the Incarnation, Jesus had to leave his Father in Heaven
to be joined in flesh with our human race and espouse his earthly Bride. The same love which joined the human and divine natures of Christ will join you in one new body. Your marriage will be a sign, a living icon, of Christ’s union with humanity. As Christ, you must put off all pride, and as Christ, in the great Philippians’ hymn, you must empty yourselves of all you may deserve or think you deserve, to become one with one another. By doing so, you marriage may become window into heaven. Marriage is a joyful mystery like the Incarnation also in that great love begets new life. We look forward to the day when, by God’s will, we may rejoice together with you in the birth of your children.

Secondly, and on a more somber note, marriage is a sorrowful mystery. In this sense, marriage is like the Crucifixion of our Lord. This may strike us as strange, on such a joyful occasion: but there it is, in the text of Ephesians: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word." Christ in his great love became one with us in nature; but the greater unity, to make us holy, came with a cost. Christian marriage comes at the cost of death to self and marriage will require death on both your parts. The old adage is true: with great love comes great sorrow. The sorrow of marriage is twofold; sorrow for your own sin, and suffering from the sin of the other. It is because of this that you must hold a third sorrow at the center of your marriage: the mysterious Cross of Jesus, who pours forth from his side the water of grace and the wine of forgiveness. Hold forgiveness at the center of your marriage, and you will bear your sorrowful mystery well.

Finally, marriage is a glorious mystery. In this, it is like the Resurrection of Our Lord. "For If we have died with him, we will also live with him; If we endure with him, we will also reign with him" (2 Tim. 2:11-12). As you die to yourselves in marriage, you honor the one who died to betroth the world. But as the Father raised his only begotten Son, so even now, Christ is raising us. You have been called to the mystery of marriage, which is not only the mystery of the Crucified Lord, but the mystery of the Risen Lord. He has gone ahead of you, and Marriage itself has been caught up in the glory of his Resurrection. It is my deep prayer that as you walk your married road, you will know the hope that the life of the Resurrection is stronger than your weaknesses, For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.

What we celebrate today is the mystery of this earthly marriage; but even as we do, we proclaim that greater marriage for which we long: the wedding feast of the Lamb. As it says in an ancient prayer of the Church:

God has sent out his decree into the streets, to invite the nations to come and make their offerings at the marriage of the Church, whom the Son of the Highest has espoused in His love. The priests then came and presented their orders, the prophets presented their visions, the Apostles their preaching, the martyrs their blood, the hosts above their unending songs of Holy Holy Holy: Glory be to Thee, O Bridegroom Christ.

The mystery you enter into today bears the marks of our Savior, and I have spoken to you of the promises of God. But marriage is also a mystery in a final and simpler way: Your married life is a great “unknown” journey; you know not where it will lead. So Wendell Berry, the poet and essayist, writes:

We cannot join ourselves to another without giving our word. And this must be an unconditional giving, for in joining ourselves to one another we join ourselves to the unknown. Because…the meaning of marriage is communal, no one party to it can be solely in charge. What you alone think it ought to be, it is not going to be. Where you alone think you want it to go, it is not going to go. It is going where the two of you – and marriage, time, life, history and the world – will take it. You do not know the road; you have committed your life to a way.

Like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, you two are setting out on a new journey at evening. May our Lord always accompany you on your way, may he cause your hearts to burn within you and reveal himself to you in the Scriptures and the breaking of bread, and may you always invite Him to your home to stay with you at evening.

Amen.