The following sermon, on Ephesians 4:25-5:2, was preached on 9 August 2009 (Year B, 10 Pentecost, Proper 14, RCL) at St. Paul’s Parish, K St., Washington, D.C. by N.J.A. Humphrey.

For five Sundays in a row now, we’ve been hearing snippets from the epistle to the Ephesians. We will hear seven weeks’ worth of the “greatest hits” from Ephesians in all, and today’s verses are central to Paul’s message.

Before getting into this morning’s reading, however, let me begin by summarizing what the letter is all about. Ephesians is concerned with the issue of the inclusion of Gentile converts into a largely Jewish Christian Church, about what accommodations Jewish Christians are called to make on the one hand, and what amendments of life Gentile converts are called to make on the other hand. In other words, it’s about a big ol’ conflict, the resolution to which (according to Paul) will require much from both sides if each is to remain faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The epistle to the Ephesians thus reminds us that even when traditional standards and teachings are being called into question from the inside, and even when strife and conflict result, we are called to remain in community with one another. This is important to remember regardless of which side of an issue we find ourselves, for commitment to each other in community is everyone’s responsibility.

The verses we heard this morning are part of a larger set of instructions on how we are to conduct ourselves when our Church is in conflict. It is here that Paul’s particular emphasis in Ephesians on worship as the source and focus of unity becomes so important in sorting out how we should react when we are upset by the direction we see the Church heading, or alternatively, impatient with the Church’s slowness to respond to our pastoral needs.

Simply put, when the Church’s actions engender anger, hurt, or confusion, we have four possible responses, each of which is addressed by this morning’s lesson from Ephesians. Our options are:

1. Act as if nothing’s changed; that is, live in denial;

2. Accept the change (either grudgingly or willingly);

3. Leave and join another church with whose positions we agree; or

4. Stay connected to our local community of faith, allowing ourselves to be challenged to grow in faith and love as we rely on the Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth, within one Church.

The first option, to act as if nothing’s changed, is untenable for people of faith because to deny a reality that’s staring us in the face is to be dishonest with ourselves, and to avoid pain at the expense of possible growth. As Paul exhorts us, “let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.” The problem with speaking the truth as we understand it, of course, is that other people may not see things quite the same way. And this may—and often does—lead to anger. Paul doesn’t have a problem with our being angry with one another; his concern, as we shall see, is what we do with that anger.

The second option, to accept the change, is always a possibility, and may under some circumstances be either the best we can manage or truly the right thing to do. Quite often, however, an outward attitude of “acceptance” cloaks a pernicious form of passive-aggressive behavior, manifesting itself in grumbling and other actions ranging from the merely unconstructive to the downright destructive. Paul, by contrast, gives us an antidote to this sort of destructive behavior when he writes, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption.” This emphasis on edification, that is, focusing on what will build up our relationships in Christ in community rather than sabotaging ourselves and others, is so important when we are in conflict.

The third option, to leave, is really the worst of the four, because it tears apart the very community that the truth is supposed to hold together. We are not called to be in community only with those who believe and act as we do. Rather, when we have conflicts, Ephesians tells us to “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil…Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice…” Every three years, it seems, people use General Convention as a pretext for breaking away from their local communities of faith and from the larger church. But if we walk out on one another, we abdicate our responsibility to participate in God’s work of transforming our lives and our community for the better.

Clearly, I believe we are called to choose the fourth option, to stay connected—in the words of Ephesians to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” For if we remain connected, there are three things we can do:

First, we can become clearer on what we believe and why we believe it. Without challenging ourselves to come to a deeper understanding of this, we run the risk of stagnating in our faith. Denial, passive acceptance, or leaving all have one thing in common: They effectively make it possible to avoid spiritual growth. And what is the Church about, if not spiritual growth? One of the greatest gifts we can give each other is a safe space in which we can examine our attitudes and preconceived notions. St. Paul’s, I would like to believe, is one of those safe places, where we can ask ourselves: Are all my attitudes truly Christian? Do they manifest the love of Christ for my brothers and sisters in the Church? Or am I merely concerned for myself and my own needs, my own comfort and security?

Second, we can become more aware of why others hold the positions they do, and while recognizing that not all opinions are created equal, we can ask ourselves: What in another person’s approach can I recognize as being rooted in Gospel values? In my disagreements, do I demonize the other person, or am I respectful and loving toward even those whom I see as completely wrong-headed? In other words, do I care more about being right, or being in relationship? This is what Paul means by exhorting us to be “tenderhearted.” The greatest danger in the Church is hard-heartedness, and the devil loves using anxiety, anger, and conflict to harden our hearts.

Third, we can resolve to remain in community, recognizing that it is when we are most in conflict that we need each other the most. It is only by remaining in community that we can keep things in perspective and not be led astray by individualism. Further, it is only by remaining connected to each other that we can make sure our voice is heard in the official institutional structure of the Church. For instance, do you know how to let our bishop know how these decisions affect you? Do you know how to get involved in the decision-making process in the Church? These actions don’t take place in a vacuum, you know. Maybe in these decisions, both those in which we rejoice and those at which we are dismayed, we can hear God calling us to become more engaged, not just with our own, personal faith, but with the faith journey of the entire people of God whom God has gathered together in the Episcopal Church. Even if your call is not to step into the fray of national church politics, your very presence here, week in, week out, can stand as a quiet testimony to your dedication to community, valuing relationships in Christ over those things that threaten to divide us. And let’s have a reality check here, folks: there will always be something to divide us.

Finally, in the midst of these conflicts, don’t forget to pray, pray, pray. And sing. For as we will hear from Ephesians next Sunday, we are called to “be filled with the Spirit, as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

© 2009 Nathan Humphrey